can’t wait

every night i pick up my guitar and play. i’m really no good, but i still practice and try to get better. it’s actually really therapeutic for me, and it helps me sort out stuff, and wind down after a long day.

yesterday was really rainy all day, and i found my self feeling fairly restless. a lot of the things my eyes were seeing, were stirring my heart which then inspired the words in my head. so i decided to write it down.

i really love to write music. again, i’m no good at it. but i don’t really care. it’s not something i really do for anyone other than myself. it’s a form of expression whose results are like no other outlet i can explore. sometimes i feel like it’s one of the only places i can be honest with myself. anyways, enough rambling about that.

i wrote a song last night. well not really a song, but an idea for a song. a rough rough draft (rough both in technicalities and on the ears)  i’d upload the song, but i’m not gutsy enough for that just yet.

here are the lyrics:
“can’t wait”

you’re like an old school taste
with a brand new face
i never seem to win this game
so i run away

it’s like i’m chasing a dream
but nobody’s following me
i’m running but i can’t see my feet
won’t someone to carry me

but until that day
i’ll find a way
to be okay
but i can’t wait hear you say

that you love me
need me
can’t go on without me
your sweet georgia peach
call me your, baby

that you love me
need me
can’t go on without me
your sweet georgia peach
call me your, baby

& i will love you
i’ll need you too
i could never go on without you
my baby

story of the day: indecision

It’s hard to say it to your face,

When i can’t look you in the eye,

Even if i knew the words;

I couldn’t form them, if i tried.

I want to be articulate,

When speaking logistics & truth.

I can’t convey that image though,

I’m still living in my youth.

I’d love to feel okay again

A fresh start, a new day.

But then i fear i’ll face a new pain,

Still not knowing what to say.

I’ll try my best to be understood,

In more ways than one.

I’ll draw a picture, chart a map

To lead you to where i’ve gone.

I’m not sure that you’ll follow me,

You’ve got skeletons of your own.

Just know when you’re ready to flee,

You wont have to be alone.

Times and trials will get to us,

Behind darkened closet doors.

The road seem to collapse ahead

Like closing corridors.

Yet with desire to start anew,

Soon will follow after.

Bright and shining happiness

Flowing forth from boughs of laughter.

So when and if you’re ever ready

For rebirth of soul & spirit;

I’ll be near with outstretched arms

And ears open to hear it.

I’d thank you for your sympathy

If a thank you i could loan.

But your desire to find the best of me

I can only find, alone.

the dam to the wellspring of life is broken, and is running dry. heal me & fill me up again.

oh, an unbreakable spirit.

So, today was the first day of my new job. I am now a nanny! I nanny a 3 year old boy named Mason, he is absolutely adorable.

Meet my new main man, Mason:

Mason also has disabilities. Mason has a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta.

I’ll give you the short run-down:

Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), also known as “brittle bone disease”,  is a genetic disorder characterized by fragile bones that break easily.

Here is a site you can visit if you are interested in learning more: http://www.oif.org

i really encourage you to research about this disease, be more educated, and possibly help!

Basically, Mason is a very fragile little boy. He cannot walk, because when he puts too much weight on his feet, his legs break. Currently, his left femur is broken so he is in a brace that keeps his legs like a frog until it heals. He is pretty much immobile right now, depending on us to move him from position to position. Mason also, cannot eat a lot of solid food. He gets most of his nutrients through Tube Feeding (basically feeding him through a hole in his stomach). We also give him his medication through the tube system.

In Mason’s lifetime, he has broken almost every single bone in his body, and has had hundreds of surgeries (Remember he is only 3 years old!)

Having said all of this…

he is the most joyful, happy, glowing, fun-loving, loving child i have ever met in my entire life. he is as cute as a button, and never cries or complains. i mean, if you or i had a broken femur, i’m pretty sure we’d be crying and whining all day. this kid is THE CHAMP.

my schedule with him is Monday through Thursday, 6:15 am-5:30 pm.

I have to make sure his formula is tube fed at least 3 times a day, give him sponge baths, change his clothes, take him on adventures and create the most fun fantastic day possible for him…all the while being very careful not to hurt him. I could literally hug him too hard and crush his ribs, or bump his face putting his shirt on and break his nose. It is all very overwhelming.

this job is very tedious, and pretty stressful. It is the biggest challenge i have yet to face, and is also the biggest blessing and most rewarding job i could ever imagine having.

My life is going to pretty much revolve around little Mason & i love that.

i am finally at peace with the way things are turning out.

ps. here are some more photos of the adorable Mason:

bright eyes

crazy boy laughing

telling me why Mufasa is better than Scar. He is very serious about this.

being silly.

the g-tube machine that pumps the formula to his stomach.

formula

watching tv while his formula pumps.

watching tv while his formula pumps.

Mason with the Lions Mask we made during our arts & crafts time. He LOVES lions!