love & faithfulness

Megan Erica & Tyson James have now been married for 4 days, and it’s only now that i can sit and pull my thoughts together. Really the past two months, my brain and heart have been just busy busy thinking and praying about the day that Meg & Ty would give their lives to one another. I am every day, reminded of this season in my life, friends getting married left and right. It is wonderful to see Gods faithfulness in their lives. Megan has waited all of her life for ‘the one’. She made no mistakes, and guarded her heart so that she could someday give it in it’s complete, whole and un-scarred form. Megan is so brave, strong and beautiful. There aren’t even any words to describe who she is, except that she was faithful to her Jesus, and now He is keeping His promise to her. I am very proud, and envious of my precious friend. I have never seen anyone look as beautiful as Megan looked on April 5th. She is the most beautiful bride my eyes have ever seen. Not only was her dress, hair & makeup. But gah lee, Meg just shone a light like none other. She was glowing, I cannot describe it. Ty was the most handsome i’ve ever seen him, and i’ve never been so proud of my sweet brother. It was truly on honor to get to stand with them and support them as they professed their love for one another and for their Jesus, and then to commit to them as they commit to each other. Their faces were priceless, and I cried like a stinkin baby the entire ceremony. I cried for so many reasons: Because Megan and Ty were perfect, the whole wedding was perfect. Because I was so proud of my brother and his bride, one of my dearest friends. Because God was fulfilling his promise to them, and His faithfulness was so apparent that day. I also cried, because I am so so so afraid that i’ve already ruined my chance at receiving such Grace. A couple of years ago, all i thought about was getting married, sharing my life with someone and commit to loving them and following them on the journey to make so many dreams come true. And now, today… I am the furthest from that outcome. I cried out of fear, and bitterness. Bitterness for no one other than myself. There are days when I feel like I can overcome the world through Christ, and there are other days when i hate myself for not deserving the ending (rather beginning) that Meg & Ty have received. Today I found out that my friends Mary Ellen & Jacob just got engaged. I am so happy for them. Shay and her boyfriend will be getting married within the next year.. GAVIN & LINDSAY ARE ENGAGED…and there are other friends whom i’m certain will be taking that road in the near future — — Not to mention the 2 weddings of friends my age whom i’ll be photographing this year! Mer just said the other day to Mal… she said ‘this is only the beginning of all of our friends getting married” And she’s right. This is only the beginning of such a wonderful season of our lives. When did we all become such adults? It saddens my heart because i know i’ll be the last of the group, if at all right now. The Lord continues to confuse my heart with what His will for my life is in that area. Meg told us, she said that WE deserve the same love and happy ending that she has been given. She promised us that the Lord will be faithful.

I know that he will.
But i don’t think that i deserve it.

I must have faith that my heart will be taken care of.
I must believe in that love again.
Its true.
It exists.
I saw it this weekend shine through the hearts of two of my closest friends.
Now I wait.

Jesus I sit here, and i make a commitment to you.
A commitment to wait.
Not to wait on ‘him’, but more so to wait on You.
Show me your face Lord, I am in desperate need of Your love.
Give me a desire to center my life around You daily.
You are the breath that fills my lungs, now give me a reason to breathe.
Remind me.

I love you Lord Jesus, and I thank you for what’s left to come in my life.
In complete and utter blind faith, faith of a child I thank You.

Thank you for Meg and Ty and the tangible example you have made them for all of us.
They are Love as You designed it to be.
I pray that you will continue to bless their marriage as they continue to lay down their lives, TOGETHER for your purpose.

You are ever faithful to us God.
I love you.

(ps. Please pray for Murphy Lee Dog, he hurt his back. He means a lot to me (and many) so please keep him in your prayers. Feel murph dog i be lovin you!)

<!– –>